Party time!

I've always liked throwing parties. I love hosting and I don't mind that I have to be sober for most of the night and that I have to work my ass off to make sure everything is running smoothly. Over the years I learned a thing or two about throwing a good party - and about cleaning dry beer stains.

I never ask for any money for any of the parties I throw. Since I'm not rich enough to buy too much alcohol, I kinda have to guess the amount that will be consumed that night. Because there is nothing worse than an alcohol shortage at a party. Actually, there is nothing worse than an alcohol shortage - full stop.

While I was in Milan, I remember speaking to a Finnish friend about those very stressful times at the supermarket before a weekend or a dinner where you never really know how much alcohol you should buy. You don't want to buy too much, that would be expensive and wasteful. But you most definitely don't want to buy too little, because that would be catastrophic. When you are organizing a party for 40+ people it's the same, but with higher stakes.

Another big problem is that once people start drinking, they may or may not drink the same thing all night, but if they don't, they will always start on the lighter drinks (beer, sangria) and then move on to the spirits (vodka, whisky, gin) - and they don't come back: once you started drinking vodka, you're not coming back to drinking beer. The thing is: you never really know how much beer and how much vodka you will need. This makes the estimates particularly difficult because even though you may have enough booze, you may not have enough of the right booze.

To avoid situations like this in the bigger parties I throw, I only buy beer, sangria and soft drinks. This makes the estimates much more accurate: the average guest drinks about 1L of Sangria and a bit more than 1L of beer (this average includes boys and girls and has a very high standard deviation). The soft drinks are for the boring people who don't drink.

Speaking of the boring people, be sure to accommodate them. All parties have boring people, they are the price you pay for fun people! Be sure to have a sofa, a table or something just outside of the main event for them to sit down and be boring. Trust me, I know. I was one of the boring people for many years.

If you are going to invite more than 40 guests, buy ice. Lot's of ice. This is because you can't fit more than 40-60L of beer in your fridge, it just doesn't have the cooling power. Since nobody likes warm beer, what you do is you fill your bathtub with ice and throw the remaining beers in there. If don't have a bathtub and only have one of those square shower things, you're fucked.

Last and least: food. Don't worry too much about the food, just buy some appetizers. But buy the cheap stuff: People will eat anything when they are drunk. The lesson here is: spare on the food and spend on the booze. Everybody wins.

Click here if you think an alcohol shortage is a calamity!