"Oh you're from Portugal? I went to Madrid once."

Preface: This is a text I wrote some weeks ago, just before FIFA announced the host of the 2018 Football world cup, on the 2nd of December of this year. As it turns out Russia will host the 2018 WC, which is just as well. But it's the thought that counts, so here is the text, as I wrote it at the time:

In 15 minutes time we will know whether or not Portugal and Spain will jointly organize the 2018 WC. I think the whole idea is bad, and I sincerely wish the best of luck to Russia, England or whoever the fuck. Just not us.

The idea is being sold here at home (Portugal) as an "Iberian bid" ("Candidatura Ibérica"). First of all, I fucking hate this "Iberian" thing. I'm not Iberian, I Portuguese, thank you very much. Yesterday, the 1st of December, we celebrated the Restoration of our independence, here in Portugal. People fought in 1640 for the right not to be "Iberian". So fuck this Iberian bullshit. If anything I'm European (and since Brussels started telling me how I can and can't make wine and meat stuffings, I've been having second thoughts).

Second, considering the size difference (in all senses) of Portugal and Spain, it's really obvious that we are going to be stuck with the "left-overs". As it stands, Portugal would host 1/3 of the matches. But not all thirds are the same. I don't know about group matches, but the final would surely be in Madrid and we would be lucky to host a semi-final. Maybe we'd even get that lamest of consolation prizes: 3rd and 4th place game. Woopty-fucking-doo.

But there's that "look at the bright side of things" line of thought. Arguments never stray far from the classic "it would stimulate the economy/tourism/countryside/birth rate" and our old friend "promote Portugal abroad". Oh, you know what would promote Portugal abroad? Not being on the cover of "The Economist" for almost being a failed economy. Not having CNN discuss weather the IMF will or will not help Portugal. You know what would promote Portugal abroad? Doing our getting our shit together and staying well clear of these megalomaniac projects we are so fond of, with rewards that are far from clear.

Finally there's the question of our image in this whole affair. Spain, being a bigger country in many respects, no doubt has much to gain from this endeavor in tourism and image - they will be reaping the rewards for this one. For us the issue is not so clear. With the ignorance of the world being what it is, we should be focusing on distinguishing ourselves from Spain, not making it more likely for dumb-ass americans to confuse our two countries. I swear, if another tourist says to me "gracias" when I say I'm Portuguese, I'm killing the fat bastard.

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